Shuffle To The Beat
by Hisa-Ai
Summary: A collection of one-shots inspired by music. Future chapters will include different shippings, with a main focus on Kataang. Chapter 3: 8 years after being crowned Fire Lord, Zuko returns home to the palace for a visit and has dinner with Mai. But things aren't as they were 8 long years ago and their relationship takes a turn that both parties involved have seen coming for years.
1. Star Light, Star Bright

**The full title for this is "Shuffle To The Beat (Of My Heart)" but since they don't let you do parentheses************―to my knowledge, anyway,************―it's listed as just "Shuffle To The Beat" but I thought you guys should know the _full_ title.**

**Anyway, this was just supposed to be a collection of drabbles based off songs on my iPod. My original thought was that I'd put my iPod on shuffle and write for the length of whichever song was playing and write whatever came to my mind based on that particular song, and then once the song ended I would stop writing and move on to writing a drabble based on the next song and so on and such-forth. But here's the thing, I sort of suck at drabbles. I'm not sure why, but I suck at short, basically. I couldn't write a drabble if my God damn life depended on it. I'm gonna try and keep things as short as I can, but I mean, I dunno, it is what it is; Fanfiction for Avatar: The Last Airbender based on songs I have on my iPod. I have a little over a thousand songs on my iPod, so hopefully I won't run out of material any time soon. I'm almost positive this has been done before, but so what; this is _my_ take on it.**

**Anyway, I'll of course include the song in the chapter, I'm not gonna do the whole alternating between lyrics and the actual story thing, and don't expect every chapter************―**none of which are connected or relate to each other unless I specify otherwise**********―**to be _exactly_ like the song that inspired it. In some cases, it follows pretty damn closely, but with others... You know what? Just read and decide for yourself, 'kay?

**Oh, one more thing, this takes place during book three, near the beginning. Before the invasion and all that, sometime after "The Headband" and "The Painted Lady" I suppose, I didn't really give that part much thought so that's just a rough estimate, but it's accurate enough.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any music mentioned in this fic, they belong to their respective owners and we should all respect, envy, and resent them for that fact. **  
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**Song This Chapter Was Inspired By:**

"Misty's Song" ~Pokémon~

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**Fic:**

It was a quiet night in the fire nation, nary a cricket nor a badger frog making itself known. The wind was all but still, coming out every now and again to make itself known and not be forgotten, but otherwise the night was still. The stars were shinning over-head, but there was no moon this night, meaning this was a night when Katara would get little to no sleep.

Crawling out of her tent quietly, she made her way over to where the fire had been burning what only seemed like moments ago, when really it had been almost hours ago. After putting out the fire and saying good-night, Aang had made his way over to Appa and fallen straight asleep, Sokka had practically thrown himself into his tent and fallen asleep almost immediately, his snoring practically shaking the very ground it was so loud, Toph had made herself an earth tent with a couple flicks of her hands, and Katara had slowly and reluctantly climbed into her own tent, telling herself to at least _try_ and get some sleep. She had curled up in her sleeping bag and closed her eyes, and then tried to relax every part of her body individually, tried counting sheep, tried just lying there and willing herself not to think about anything worrisome or feel the obvious lack of the moon that night, but eventually she found herself in a very familiar predicament: she couldn't sleep.

She sighed her resignation to this fact and pulled her knees to her chest, she would never tell her friends this, but she never did get much sleep on nights like this. When there was no moon in the sky, she was just so anxious and got herself so tangled up in her thoughts that sleep eluded her for the better part of the night no matter what she tried. And she was okay with it. It bugged her, and left her tired the following day, but she had time, at least, with her thoughts. No matter how much she hated it, she could at least see the up side to it. She was allowed to think. All by herself. Without any interruptions from anyone wanting her to do something or cook something or heal something or wanting to know what was the matter with her… She loved her friends and her brother, but having alone time with her thoughts wasn't exactly a _bad_ thing. And more often than not, her thoughts always circled back to a certain Air bender, they always circle back to... _Aang_.

She glanced over at him. He was sleeping. Just like she should be. Despite how quiet and still it was, the night was still rather chilly, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around herself. She should probably go back inside her tent and get in her sleeping bag, warm up and go to sleep, but… She just couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she carefully, so as not to wake up Toph, went back inside her tent, grabbed her sleeping bag, and returned to her seat, unzipping and wrapping her sleeping bag around her as best as she could and immediately she noticed a difference. How did Aang do it, she wondered, just lay out there in the night air without much protection from the elements? He was curled up with Appa, so she supposed maybe his warmth was helping Aang stay warm as well. She sighed then, and looked up at the stars. The only good thing about the night of the new moon was the fact that the view of the stars was _amazing_. They were so much brighter than usual that it almost made up for the lack of the moon. _Almost_. She would still rather have the moon around any day of the week.

Resting her head on her knees, a rhyme she'd sung as a little girl popped into her head. It was one all children sang, really, whenever they just so happened to catch a glimpse of a star on a winter night, or when they were out star-gazing with their families… It was a rhyme from simpler times, and she couldn't help but mumble it under her breath now as her eyes found the brightest star in the sky.

_Starlight star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight_.

As a little girl, she used to wish for things like winning in the next snowball fight she had with Sokka and a bunch of other kids, or her father miraculously finding her a water-bending teacher, or being just like her mother, and later on, as she began to wish less and less frequently, for the war to end, for her mother to come back to life, for her father to come home… Eventually she just stopped wishing. She never lost hope in things in general, but she stopped wishing on simple things like eyelashes and the first and brightest star she could find in the night sky and on her birthday…

She stopped wishing for a while, but now…

She looked over at Aang and then back at the sky with a blush.

The brightest star in the sky was right above her.

She closed her eyes, said the rhyme quietly, and she wished for the first time in years. She wished that her Father and friends would make it out of the war alive, she wished that Aang would find a way to defeat the Fire Lord, she wished that he would find a fire bending teacher, she wished for her friends to be happy, she wished every wish she had kept locked up inside over the years and then, when she was done, she made one final wish, a wish she almost didn't let herself think about, but had to, in the end, because it was something that mattered, something that would make her… _happy_.

She shook her head and looked back at Aang, he was still sleeping, snoring lightly, and smiling. He must have been having a good dream. Sokka's snoring had died down a bit and Katara could hear some mumbling coming from his tent, so he was probably dreaming, too. Most likely, she figured, about meat or something. Momo was in his tent with him, she remembered, she just hoped he didn't try biting his tail again like he'd done before, otherwise the lemur would probably scratch his face up, maybe gouge his eyes out; Momo didn't, as a rule, like his tail to be bitten, or pulled on, or stepped on, or anything, really. A lesson Sokka had learned on many occasions the _hard_ way. Toph was also snoring lightly, but other than that, Katara had no way of telling if the earth bender was dreaming or really sleeping and not merely pretending for Katara's sake, something she'd been known to do in the past.

_I wish I had the words to tell Aang how I really feel about him_.

She blushed once again as the words played themselves over in her head, making her wonder… How _did_ she really feel about him? Obviously as more than a friend, otherwise she wouldn't have wished that. It was more than a passing crush, that much she was sure of. Sure, in the beginning she'd thought it was just a crush. She blushed at any close contact, she smiled a lot around him, she got butterflies in her stomach when she was around him, leaving her in an almost constant state of a fluttering stomach, considering how much time they truly did spend together. She thought it was just a crush**********―**he was, after all, the only guy not related to her she'd seen since hitting puberty,**********―**and that it would pass soon enough. There had even been that thing with Jet that had almost convinced her whatever she was feeling for Aang would pass soon enough, but then… It didn't. It stuck around and wouldn't leave, making her wonder just what it was she truly felt for him. If it was more than just a crush, just _what_ was it?

Most girls they'd met in their travels had only seemed to be infatuated with Aang because he was the Avatar, a celebrity of sorts, and so young, too; he could easily marry into the family of any of the girls they'd met a few years down the line and no one would bat an eyelash at it. They would applaud it, lap the news up like they had been dying of thirst before he came along and brought them this gift that was as precious as water… She could see it in their eyes. They wanted him to like any of them back; admit he'd fallen for them the second he laid eyes on them. It sickened her. She wanted to water bend them all the way to the Fire Nation, she was so mad and sickened and out-raged and… and _jealous_.

She was _jealous_ of them...

Even though Aang was never anything other than friendly and polite to them, they were still threats. All of them. She hated herself for thinking like that, but she was jealous of the attention they got from Aang, she was jealous that they were able to so boldly make their feelings for him so obvious. In the rational part of her mind, she figured it was probably because they knew he'd never go for them, and that they'd probably never see him ever again and they might as well make use of their time around the almighty Avatar…

She didn't have that luxury. She saw Aang every single day, so if something went wrong**********―i**f she came out and told him how she felt, however that was, and he didn't feel the same way back… How was she to face him day in and day out? It would be too _weird_.

And there it was. Why she really couldn't admit anything about her feelings for Aang, even to herself. She didn't know if he felt the same way. She was _terrified_ of him not feeling the same way. Sokka and Toph were always teasing him about his crush on her, and he blushed and scrambled for some other subject to talk about, always denying how he felt, but what did it all mean, anyway? Ugh, sometimes she really hated being alone with her thoughts. Sure, sometimes she was able to make sense of things, sort through the confusion of everything, but other times she just jumbled them up even further and made a big mess of it. Even though she had straightened certain things out, she'd made a complete mess of everything else, so she wasn't really sure how she should chalk this night up as, a win or a loss…

A yawn escaped her lips, brushing her scowl away. How long had she been staring at Aang's sleeping form, anyway? She blushed, if he'd been awake, this realization would have been a lot more awkward than it was, but at the moment, it was nothing more than a tiny embarrassment, a reminder, more than anything, that she would have to be more careful in the daytime if she went off to think like that; if Sokka or Aang or Toph caught her staring at him… Well, she wouldn't be getting off the hook so easily.

It was getting time for her to go to bed now. It was finally approaching that tipping point where her fatigue out-weighed her anxiety, meaning she might be able to get in a few hours of sleep, at least. It was about time for her to head back to her tent, fix her sleeping bag, curl up, try to keep warm, drift off into dreamless slumber…

Instead of going towards her tent, however, she stood up carefully and slowly with her sleeping bag still wrapped around her body, and made her way over to Aang and Appa. The wind had picked up for the moment, and she wished for a second that he had hair so she could brush it out of his face. She settled, however, for standing there over him, a small smile finding its way to her face as she took in his own wide, goofy grin. He seemed to be having a good dream. She wondered what it was about, but then decided it didn't matter as long as it was a good one. Then she did something that surprised herself. She took her sleeping bag off and allowed herself to be exposed to the cool wind and let it paint her arms and legs with goose bumps for a moment, and spread it out quietly over Aang's sleeping form. Then, still as careful and quiet as she could manage, she slid under her sleeping bag and next to Aang, still being careful not to wake him. She cuddled up next to him and took in his face; he wouldn't mind her sleeping with him, just this one night. If he asked in the morning, she would simply tell him she'd had a nightmare and had figured it'd be okay if she slept with him, to keep the bad dreams away. He would buy that. He would even like that answer. She felt bad about lying to him, but what was she supposed to do, tell him she couldn't sleep because of the new moon, watched him sleep, wished on a star fore her to figure out a way to tell him she loved him and then curled up next to him for some reason unknown even to her? He was a good friend and a nice guy and all, but even he would think she was a little**********―**Oh.

Love.

Was that it? With half-lidded eyes, she smiled. The word felt right. Made her heart swell up, almost made her want to cry. She loved him. That was it. That was _why_. It was the answer to everything. But did he love her back? Another problem, she figured, for another day when she was fully rested.

Still, before she drifted off to sleep, before she even got comfortable enough for that to be an option, she looked at him and mumbled, "I love you." And was given a mini-heart attack when he stirred slightly beside her and rubbed his eyes before turning to her, his eyes still coated with sleep, and asked,

"You say something, Katara?"

She shook her head lightly and quietly said, "I didn't say anything, Aang. Goodnight." He shrugged his shoulders slightly and allowed his eyes to droop back shut and his head to roll back onto Appa, not even registering her presence. She was glad for that, thankful even that he hadn't been entirely sure she'd said something; she didn't know how she would explain away what she said, otherwise. But she didn't have to worry about that. Not tonight, anyway. All she had to worry about now was getting whatever sleep she could manage, and with Aang so near, she had a feeling that wouldn't be hard to do.

Her eyes fell shut and with one final wish to a star she could no longer see, she slipped off, grabbing every second of sleep possible, her last wish of the night slipping off the edge of consciousness with her and hanging on for the last final seconds as she crossed the barrier between being awake and being asleep.

_Star light star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight_.

_I wish Aang would love me back._

**Fin.**

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**The "Star light star bright" thing isn't a line in this song, for those of you who've never heard it, I just thought it would be a nice little touch. The part at the end where Katara is all "I love you" and Aang is all, "You say something, Katara?" That's based on the very end of the of "Misty's Song" and if you've never heard it before, go look it up. I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere. Anyway, the part at the end after Misty, I guess, finishes singing, Ash yawns and is all, "Did you say something, Misty?" And Misty is just all, "Me? N-No, I didn't say anything, Ash. Goodnight." Or something like that. And I just had to include that bit in this. It was too perfect _not _to, you know? I don't know if the thing about the new moon is true or not, but we're going to pretend it is. Anyway, enough of my mouth.**

**Be sure to let me know what you think!**

_Always,  
__~Hisa-Ai~_**  
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	2. Catch Me If You Can

**I thought about making the titles of the chapters the same as the songs that "inspired" them****************―because that's what I'm calling it****************―but decided against it. Some of them will have titles that match the songs, some won't, I guess it'll just depend on the song and how the story that goes with it plays out and all that.**

**********************************Anyway, this one takes place after the failed invasion and right before Zuko joins their group, before Zuko lets them know he _wants _to join their group, even. They****************―meaning Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, The Duke, Teo, Haru, Appa, and Momo****************―are at the Western Air Temple. The way I figure, Aang's gotta be feeling pretty shitty right about now, what with the plan failing, their men getting captured by the Fire Nation and all that; you can imagine how _you'd_ feel in that situation, right? So I thought Aang would probably be a little down and depressed, maybe angry at himself, and who, exactly, do you think would be able to cheer him up from that?**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own A:TLA or any music mentioned in this fic, they all, instead, belong to their respective owners despite my best efforts to make the opposite a reality and isn't that just a little bit sad? No? Yeah, I didn't think so...

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**Song This Chapter Was Inspired By:**

"Catch Me If You Can," ~Angela Via~

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**Fic:**

Looking at us from an outsider's point of view, we probably looked as stupid as anyone ever had before in their _life_.

Katara and I, that is.

We were staying at the Western Air Temple with after the failed invasion plan with our friends. I was in a miserable mood. I felt like a failure, like I'd let the whole world down all over again, and I just wanted to be alone to wallow in my self-pity, so I'd slipped away from everyone―Teo, Haru, The Duke, Sokka, Toph, Momo, Appa, and Katara―while Katara was cooking dinner and they were all trying to make conversation and keep off the topic of the failed invasion plan. For my sake, I'm sure. But that's not why we probably looked stupid.

I was sitting with my knees drawn to my chest on a rock over-looking a canyon of sorts that had fog floating inside it, masking its true depths from prying eyes. I was thinking about the invasion plan and where we went wrong, _how_ it went wrong, what I could have done personally to ensure it had been a success, what I had done wrong, how I could have, at the least, saved all our men from being captured, saved them all from going to prison. I would have liked to have saved Sokka and Katara's dad, at the very least; it crushed me to see how truly heart-broken she was over having to be separated from him again, it really did, so maybe if I could have saved him at least, she would have forgiven me for, well, everything. For failing, for kissing her. I wondered just a bit at the moment what she'd thought of the kiss, but I was too depressed to really think about it at the time.

Somewhere behind me, I heard the crescendo of footsteps coming towards me and assumed it was Haru or Sokka coming to tell me dinner was ready; I could smell the delicious food Katara had cooked up and just _knew_ there was no meat in it and that that wouldn't please Sokka, but I wasn't very hungry at the moment. I didn't think I'd ever be hungry again, to tell the truth, but if I told whoever this was _that_, they'd tell Katara that and I didn't want her to worry about me, so I settled on something not quite as dramatic.

"Tell Katara I'll just get my dinner later." I tossed back at the person behind me, hoping to send them off before they could get a good look at me. But they didn't, they kept walking and let out a slight giggle as they reached me, and I perked up instantly. It wasn't Haru and it wasn't Sokka, it was**************―**

"Why don't you just tell Katara that yourself?" She asked, and I could tell from her tone that she was smiling, meaning she hadn't taken in my state yet. She walked around the rock I was sitting on and stood in front of me with her hands resting on her hips, taking me in with a slight frown. She looked down and met my grey eyes, her own blue ones traced with concern.

"Aang, are you**************―**"

"I'm fine, Katara." I lied, but of course she saw right through it. She sighed and dropped her hands from her hips, leaning down and meeting my eye level. She rested her hands on top of my own and gave them a squeeze, conveying in that one gesture that everything was well and forgiven, that she didn't think I was a failure, that the world would forgive me if only I could forgive myself. And that everything was going to be okay. Water bender's honor. She gave me a small smile that I couldn't help but return and coaxed me to my feet.

"Dinner's ready. I know you said to tell Katara you'd get yours later, but she thought that if she made the trip to get dinner a bit more fun, you'd be willing to change your mind."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, curious. "And how's Katara gonna manage _that_?"

She smiled at me and walked backwards around the rock, facing me with a wide smile on her face the whole time. And then she turned around without a word and broke out into a run, calling at my amused and surprised expression over her shoulder before she got too far out of range.

"Catch me if you can, Aang!"

I smiled widely and started running as well, picking up speed using my airbending in a matter of seconds, but not allowing myself to catch her _quite_ _yet_.

_That's_ why we looked stupid.

Well, that's why _Katara_ looked stupid. Because who challenges an air bender to a foot race? I mean, really? I was glad she didn't care about looking stupid or winning or anything, I was glad all she cared about was making me smile and cheering me up a bit. Because that's exactly what I would have done for her, and I love her, so that meant that she had to feel _something_ for me as well. And that cheered me up. Really it did.

And picking up my speed to win the race at the last second didn't exactly do much to _dampen_ my spirits or anything.

Because who challenges an airbender to a foot race? _Really_.

**Fin.**

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**Hmm, I'm hoping Aang didn't seem _too_ OOC. A little bit is fine, but too much and it starts getting weird, you know? But I'm pretty sure he's perfectly _in_ C and this is just my low blood-sugar talking. Anyway, the song "Catch Me If You Can" is from one of those Pikachu shorts that used to come with the Pokemon movies. I think it's from the first one from the first Pokemon movie. Pikachu's Vacation, I think it was. I dunno though, it's been a while since I saw it, but I'm _pretty sure _that's it.**

**Anyway be sure to let me know what you think!**

_Always,_**  
**_~Hisa-Ai~_


	3. This Part

**When I wrote this one, I was feeling very... _Real_. Usually when I write, I get lost in fantasy and lose sight of reality and how things would be if they happened in real life and not in a cartoon, in this case, aimed at children. But there are instances from time-to-time when reality and fantasy kind of merge in my head and whilst playing around with someone else's creation I write things a little bit differently and see them in a different way: how things might turn out if they happened in a place where a happy ending wasn't always guaranteed and you don't know what's going to happen next because you don't always _know_ in real life, you know? So this was... _Real_. That's how I felt when I wrote this one. **

**I've gotta be honest here, I always love writing fics where things just seem _real_. Unless we're talking about Kataang, because I'm stubborn and I love those two together and in my opinion they should always get their happy fairytale ending, damnit. I sound like a child. And I don't care. Those two have yet to get a _real_ fic written by me and I don't know that they ever will, but all other shippings are basically open season for me. Even the ones I like. **

**You know, I like Zuko and Mai together, I really do, but the thing about them is... They're older. Their relationship is complicated and more grown up than, say, Katara and Aang's relationship, which is cute and fluffy and innocent and sweet. I love Kataang, don't get me wrong, but what they have is different than what Mai and Zuko have. Which I like. But let's not get into all this now. Just enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own TLA or any music mentioned in this fic. I do, however, own copies of said music―most of which I obtained _legally_, thank you very much―but I do not own the _rights_ to it, nor any of the TLA characters. It's so sad, I know, but until I find a way to fix this terrible position I'm in,―what with not owning some of my favorite things and all―that's just the way it's going to have to be. If you figure out a way to help me change that, you be sure to let me know, m'kay?

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**Song This Chapter Was Inspired By:**

"I Hate This Part," ~The Pussycat Dolls~

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**Fic:**

"Zuko…" She mumbled, her low gaze piercing my very soul and heart. We were sitting at a table just inside a balcony that jutted out of the side of the palace, the sun was just setting and there was a cold breeze blowing through. I was chilled to the bone, not by the wind that couldn't reach us, but by… _Us_. By her and the look she was giving me, what I knew was coming.

It had been eight years since I'd taken the throne and became the Fire Lord. Eight long, busy, tiring, stressful, productive years. For everything that we'd accomplished in those eight years, there was still so much to do and get done that there was hardly any time to take a break, but Sokka and Katara's grandmother had recently passed away and we all agreed that it was time for everyone to take a short break from rebuilding and spend some time with our loved ones; Katara and Sokka had barely spent any time with their "Gran-Gran," as they called her, before she passed and they felt guilty about that, even though they knew she understood what they were doing for the world and why they couldn't see her as often as they wanted to. They felt guilty about the whole thing, and I couldn't exactly blame them; if something had happened to Mai or Uncle while I was over in the Earth Kingdom and away from Ba Sing Se working on our biggest and latest project―Sokka had dubbed it "Republic City" in our early planning stages and the name had actually _stuck―_I would have felt terrible and guilty as well. So while I was dreading the trip home, I was also glad for the break from everything, in a way; Mai and I had hardly been spending any time together at all lately and I missed her.

Just not in the way I had eight years ago.

I longed for her back then. I wanted her, I _needed_ her, I loved her and I missed reaffirming that fact, but now… I missed missing her in the way that I used to.

It was hard to say what exactly had happened to us these last few years. I thought that we'd be together forever, that we'd get married and eventually go on to start a family of our own. I would train any of our children that were benders, she would train the non-bending ones, they would all get along, they would love each other, I would make sure we were all happy and that my kids only tried to kill each other on occasion and not every day like Azula and I had been. Aang and Katara would get married and have kids, Sokka and Suki would get married and have kids, Toph would marry someone and have kids, and all our kids would be friends and play together and our world would finally be _perfect_.

But of course nothing worked out that way.

Aang and Katara _had_ gotten married two years ago, but they had decided to wait a couple of years before they started having kids; with all the work that needed to be done, they wouldn't have had much time to do both, so they decided that waiting would be for the best.

Sokka and Suki had broken up seven years ago,―I never did get a straight answer when I asked who had done the dumping there―then Sokka had started to date Ty Lee a year after that only to break up with her a few months later, and then Sokka and Toph had started dating four years ago only to break up late last year.

Suki was now married to some guy named Kuuya whom she met in Ba Sing Se when visiting Uncle's tea shop six years ago; he was an earth bender and they had had a set of twins and were already expecting another one, so _they_ had certainly been busy these last few years.

Toph had just started dating that Haru guy.

Sokka was, surprisingly, single and focusing on rebuilding instead of girls for a change.

Ty Lee was dating some Ji Kim guy.

And Mai and I were… Drifting apart.

We had been for some time now, I suppose, but what with me hardly ever around, I just hadn't noticed it until I was back in the palace and set to stay there for a few months to spend some time with her.

Things had changed these last few years; I just didn't want to admit it.

All the time that I spent in the Earth Kingdom, she'd spent here in the palace and wandering around the city, trying to entertain herself and drive away her boredom. Every time I left the city, I always asked her to come with me, but she always declined, saying that if she went with me, the only thing that would be expected of her would be silence and obedience, the same thing that was expected of her whenever she was out in public with her parents, and that was _so_ _boring_. I could see where she was coming from and never pushed her to come with me. When I did come back to the palace for a brief visit, I often spent most, if not all, of my time with her, asking her what she'd been doing and filling her in on what was going on with whatever project I was currently working on. She never told me much, often just shrugged and said, "Being bored. Trying not to be bored. Being bored." She never did grow out of her sullenness and was still prone to boredom and trying to find ways to chase away that feeling, but she did stop hating the world. Just a little bit and I liked to think that I was responsible for that, but I could tell it wasn't me. Not entirely, anyway.

Through the grape-vine, I had found out over the years that she'd been doing things while I was away that she wouldn't tell me about. Things like visiting Azula in the loony-bin―yet another of Sokka's names that had stuck―teaching her little brother to train with stilettos, learning how to fight with a sword from the same guy, evidently, who had taught Sokka, stuff like that. Nothing big, just things she'd neglect to tell me about. Over time, I had started to neglect to tell her about the things I was up to, as well. Not to get back at her or anything, just because telling her everything felt unnatural as time progressed. I would still visit her all the time whenever I was around, but our time together was often awkward and uncomfortable, our conversations curt and dull, our kisses stale and lifeless.

In the back of my mind, I had known for about two or three years that we were going to break up, but whenever the thought would float to the front of my mind, I would deny it, and I would feel a pressure on my chest, like even the thought alone of not being with her anymore could kill me.

It never did, but sometimes it felt like it could, so I just never thought about it.

I denied that we would ever break up and I kept feeding myself the same old tale of marriage and kids, even though I never did propose to her and she never bugged me about it the way some of my advisors and her parents did. I thought she just didn't want to push me and knew that I'd do it in my own time and in my own way―a way that _didn't_ involve shaping the clouds into the words "Will you marry me?" like a certain show-off Avatar had done years ago―but when she said my name the way she just had… It made me wonder if the reason she hadn't pushed me into engagement was because she couldn't picture us spending the rest of our lives together anymore.

And I of course already knew the answer.

When we were teenagers and I had just started out as Fire Lord, we would often sneak away together and have private talks about everything in the world so of course we had talked about marriage and starting a family together one day, and she had said that yes, she _could_ see us spending the rest of our lives together and, in a very un-Mai like statement, had said that she couldn't wait to be my wife, the Fire Lady. But that had been eight years before this dinner. And a lot had changed in those eight years.

When Aang had suggested we all take a break and go and visit our loved ones for a few months, a lump had formed in my throat and a pit started growing in my stomach; I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep… I was dreading this trip home, I was dreading seeing Mai. I couldn't explain it, but I felt like the end was coming. And when I walked into the palace, I could tell that something was _off_. There was an ominous chill in the air and everything from that point on had just felt foreign and odd.

Mai had come over straight away like she always did, but our greeting was polite and courteous, not happy and full of passion―we didn't even kiss, just said hello and made dinner plans then went our separate ways, I to wash up and her back to her house. The dinner itself had been quiet, full of polite small-talk and courtesy replies, a lot of sighing, and just… awkward. Not comfortable like it should have been, like it used to be.

After we finished eating, a couple of servants cleared the table and brought us some tea made by someone who had trained under Uncle in Ba Sing Se for seven years―so I would be able to have tea that tasted like it was made by Uncle any time I was home―and then left us alone; not even _they_ wanted to be around when the bomb that was about to be dropped went off.

They knew.

I knew.

Mai knew.

This was the part where someone would break the other person's heart.

But would it really break, I wondered, considering our relationship had been dead for years now? I wasn't about to dump her_―_not after her warning _last time_ I'd broken up with her―so I sat in silence across from her, waiting for her to do it, waiting for her to cut the cord and end us. We both knew it was coming. We were both prepared but still, when she sighed my name yet again after I hadn't said anything the first time, I felt my heart skip a beat and my muscles tighten up, waiting for her to land a blow I wasn't sure would hurt.

Would I cry?

Would my heart shatter?

Would I beg her to reconsider and promise to make more time for her?

Would I propose on the spot to try and get her to stay with me?

Would I confess just how deep my love for her ran and admit that, while I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, I would try harder from now on, put her before all my projects, before the peace and safety of the world? I couldn't lie to her, though. Because no matter how much I loved her―or how much I _had_ loved her at one point―the world had to come first.

It _had_ to.

"Mai." I replied, looking away from the sunset and back to her eyes, which sat beneath the same bob of black bangs they always had. I had found it endearing at one point, I had really loved her hair, but now… I thought she should cut it off and fix her hair in a different manner; she was no longer a child, after all, and should start looking the part. I hated myself more than I'd ever hated anyone in that moment. I had once loved Mai with all my heart but now… Now I was thinking such mean and hateful things about her. I _deserved_ to be dumped. She should have ripped my heart out on the spot and stomped on it, made me feel like the lowest, most despicable being on the planet…

"I still love you, Zuko." She sighed, resting her chin on her long fingers. I swallowed; not what I had been expecting. Maybe I'd read the situation wrong, maybe_ I_ was the one who had drifted and left her out in the cold, maybe she still wanted to be with me but could tell I didn't want to be with her. Except I did.

Didn't I?

"But not in the way I used to." I blinked, waiting for her to finish. But she didn't. She just looked at me back, piercing through me and waiting as well. Waiting for me to say something back. Maybe she was hoping I _would_ propose on the spot to try and get her to stay with me, or confess just how deep my love for her ran and admit that, while I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, I would try harder from now on, put her before all my projects, before the peace and safety of the world. Maybe she was hoping for just a glimmer of sadness and regret that I wasn't a better boyfriend to her. Maybe she was just hoping for _something_ to prove I wasn't totally cold-hearted. But maybe I was.

"I still love you, too, Mai." I parroted back, watching her blink the surprise from her eyes before continuing in the same manner that she had. "But not in the way I used to."

And that was it.

Without someone needing to say it, I knew that that was the official end of our relationship. We were done. Maybe we could still be friends someday, but that was all we'd ever be from now on. Friends. I knew that she would still be at Uncle's tea shop on my next birthday and that she would always be the one person who would understand me in her own peculiar way, but that was also what made someone a good friend, not just a girlfriend.

"Alright then." She nodded and sat up straight, pushed her half-cup of tea away from her and stood up. "We're done here." I nodded at her and watched her watch the sun for a moment longer before she started to walk away. It amazed me that I felt almost nothing at the moment, not even a stab of remorse or guilt or sadness. My heart felt like it'd been hit with a fireball, but not shattered or even broken in the least. I guess it had known this was coming long enough to not feel much when it finally did come.

I guess I was more prepared for this than I thought.

Maybe I would feel it later, I thought, when Katara and Aang offered their condolences at the end of our relationship, or when Toph punched me and said, "Better luck next time, Hotman," or when Sokka slung his arm around my shoulders and said, "_Women!_ Am I right?" and tried to crack a joke. Maybe I would feel it when I was around people who would let me feel it and not surrounded by rooms filled with servants and guards who couldn't care less about whom I was dating and how I felt about all of it and advisors who just wanted me to get married to sire an heir. Mai had cared how I felt about all of that once, and maybe if it wasn't her who I'd just gotten dumped by/broken up with―because I wasn't quite sure what the terminology was in this case yet―she would have let me feel it, but since it was her, I felt I had no right to say anything about it until she was gone and back at her house. And maybe not even then.

I turned to finish watching the sun set, I couldn't remember how many sun sets Mai and I had seen together, even though she claimed to hate the color orange, so somehow it all seemed fitting for our relationship to end while watching yet another one.

Just before it faded entirely from view, I heard the sound of something whooshing through the air and heard something clatter inside my tea cup. I reached in and pulled out one of Mai's stilettoes, my tea dripping off the end of it, and looked up to where Mai was standing with a wry smirk on her face, her hand poised from just throwing the stiletto at me. I quirked an eyebrow at her, curious. She shrugged and dropped her hand.

"I had that ready to go. Just in case you tried breaking up with _me_ before _I _could break up with _you._" And then she walked off, just as bored as ever. I looked back to the sky and saw the sun had finally dropped out of view, which I was fine with.

The sun had finally set on our relationship, and all I had was a dagger and some memories to remind me that the only real threat to my life was Mai, who lived right across from the palace. It was better this way, I figured, because, if I'd dumped her again, I would have been dead by morning. And who would run the Fire Nation _then? _I wiped the stiletto off on my rope and tucked it into my sleeve before standing up and walking back to my room. Maybe one day Mai and I could be friends without me having to worry about her wanting to kill me for ruining our relationship and maybe one day I would feel remorse for what I'd done to her, for dragging our relationship out and boring her like I had. And maybe one day she'd find someone who could bring out the best in her like I used to be able to do, with the difference being that they would put her first and wouldn't drift away from her, leave her stranded and bored and feeling as though she were better off hanging around her parents, whom she never felt close to and was never allowed to be herself around.

Maybe one day she would find someone better for her.

I hoped she did; she deserved it.

Whoever they turned out to be, though, they would just have to get used to the idea of the_ Fire Lord_ being her **_ex_**-boyfriend.

And if that wasn't intimidating, I didn't know what was…

**Fin.**

* * *

**I've never written from Zuko's POV before, so this was definitely interesting. And he's older here, so it was especially challenging, but I'm hoping I did pretty well with it, all things considered. **

**Like I said, I like Zuko and Mai together, I really do, and I like Mai. Some people don't. Some people find her boring and flat and unimportant and _blah_, but I've always liked her and her _remarks_, you know? Also, most of the people I've seen hating on her have shipped Zutara―the devil's shipping―so that _mai _have something to do with it.**

**Get it?**

**_Mai_?  
**

**Eh? _Eh_? **

**Screw you guys; that's hilarious.**

**Anyway, I had this whole thing typed out where I defended her honor****―not really; all I did was say why she's awesome and why I like her, but it sounds cooler if I say I was "defending her honor", you know?****―**and I tell you guys why, while I think Maiko is cute and I just love it, I don't think it'd _work_ in the long run, and then I went on the explain that I feel there are two possible out-comes for their relationship if they were to stay together, but I didn't push the save button and then, in the middle of typing a sentence, I don't know what the fuck I did, but somehow or another I wound up hitting the _back_ button which took me away from the doc manager thing and just wiped away everything I'd had typed out. All because I didn't save. Learn from my mistakes, kids; always. Save. 

**_Always_. **

**And now my spirit has been broken and I will not be retyping all of it. Sorry. It was pretty damn good, though. I included the words "Mulan" "Sexist" "History" and "Fire Lady," if you wanna try and fill in the blanks. I also talked about her childhood and Zuko unwittingly making Mai resent him somewhere down the line if he tries, again unwittingly, to make her "conform" for lack of a better word. It was awesome shit, I'm not gonna lie, and I wish you guys could read it. But I didn't. Save. And I will forever hate myself for that fact. Or at least, until I find something better to do with my time, which shouldn't take too long considering how easily I get distracted and, well, _bored_ sometimes.**

**On another note, I really like the idea of Sokka coining the term "loony-bin," it just has a very Sokka taste to it, you know? Also, the thing I mentioned about Aang proposing by shaping the clouds... That just came to me in the moment and, when I think about it, it's just so damn cute and something Aang would probably do. I plan on writing _that_ one-shot sometime soon and, depending on whether or not I come across a song on my iPod that kind of goes with it or inspires it, I might include it in this collection or on its own, so just be on the look out for _that_. And all the relationship stuff with like Sokka and Suki and everyone else and who they're dating and all that good stuff, don't read too much into any of that because I didn't put a whole lot of thought into that part; I just made most of it up as I was typing. It's the sort of stuff Zuko might be thinking about in passing and _know_ about, so I figured I better include it. Plus, I'm sure you guys would get to wondering eventually what they were all up to in this time-line, so I put it in there. Aren't I wonderful?**

**Anyway, be sure to let me know what you think!**

_Always,_**  
**_~Hisa-Ai~_


End file.
